After spending a tremendously awesome summer in Fort Collins, Co, I am now back to reality. However, I feel out of sorts. I'm confused as I try to figure out why I feel wierd when this is HOME! I don't even fully understand what it is that I'm trying to figure out. I just know it's not the same. I know I'M not the same. I'm trying to be patient as the Lord unravels the whole picture and sets my feet clearly on where I'm to follow Him next. After church service today, I was talking to one of the leaders of our church as he was asking me how our time was in Colorado. After talking a bit, he put it so clearly for me. He said, "It's like when you're in training camp, and after training camp, you go off to the battlefield. You may see a few of your buddies here and there, but it's not like it was in the training camp." You see, this summer, I got a tiny glimpse of how Christian community should be. Not that everyone is perfect, (Lord KNOWS!) but there was something peaceful..something settling being around 5000 like minded people that just want to bring glory to our Heavenly Father and seek Him before all else. Where wherever you turn, you'll run into someone who will do their best to give you Godly advice, who will sharpen you and even reprove you if need be. Where you can openly love one another and share deep hurts to bring healing without worrying if it's "safe". You know it is. Where you can serve and be served, where you can pour out, but be amazingly astonished as the more you pour out, the more the Lord replinishes you until overflowing..like the widow's jar of oil that never ran out. Where you can in the smallest way experience how the "church" was intended to be. Where you see what it's like to truly be a neighbor.
So here I am...back HOME. Away from all that, knowing that it will be quite some time before I'm back in that environment. But now in an environment that's not so "safe". Where I have to be careful of wolves in sheep's clothing. Discerning for "false teachers". Set apart to be IN the world,..but not OF the world. Looked to for pouring out, but seldomly recieving. My fellow sojourners have slimmed down to anorexic proportions. Though for the few, I am eternally grateful. Where I don't see smiling faces daily or hear true heart felt "How are you's?" No wonder my heart aches.
Though my companionship has changed, the good thing is that my audience has remained the same. My audience of ONE. My purpose is still the same. To bring Him glory. I'm reminded of the song "I have deciced to follow Jesus". The part that states "though none go with me..still I will follow. No turning back. No turning back." After a summer of tremendous personal growth, it would be horrible and wasteful to turn back now. The things my eyes have been opened to are so profound and life changing. I don't want to be the same person I was before I left. I want to be better utilized, more sincere, more aware, more kind, caring, loving, wise, giving,....more like Jesus.
What does that look like? I'm still trying to figure that out. Trusting that the Lord will reveal it all in his time..like a beautiful tapestry. On one side, you see the beautiful picture. So intricately created by a master artist; put together with a harmonious blend of color and design. On the reverse side, you see a jigsaw puzzle of threads. Stumbling over themselves on their way to their destination in a confused state of disarray. That's what life seems like a lot of times. I see one side; God sees another. I see the battlefield..He sees the victory.
So onward I march..no turning back..no turning back.